Our relationship to our behaviours - how can we make better decisions in knowing what behaviours are best to start, continue or stop?
Since self-love is all about discernment, let’s go through an easy model which allows us to know what the most self-loving thing to do is when it comes to the daily actions we take and the habits we create for ourselves.

I’d like to share a model with you I came across in the coaching industry. I love it as a way for us to continuously check in and evaluate our behaviours with where we spend our time and energy. This model can be described as “The 4 Levels of Experience.”

The 4 Levels of Experience
Let’s begin at understanding Level 4 and work our way upwards to Level 1 since Level 4 is the least desirable place to be and where our non-self-loving behaviours start. We want to work towards having as many of our behaviours in the Level 1 category as possible.

Level 4:

Do what does not feel good
          Is not good for me and not fulfilling my potential
          Is not good for others
          Is not good for the greater good

Examples of behaviours in this level include:

• Addictions that no longer even feel good to the person (this is Level 3 behaviour moving down into Level 4) since what started as a way of temporarily feeling good has now become so self-destructive at this bottom level.
  These are any types of addictions such as scrolling social media to the point you don’t even enjoy it anymore yet do it out of habit. Watching too much TV or any other type of attachment to external stimuli like drugs, alcohol, smoking, sugar, sex, food, and so on.
  
  
• Staying in Level 3 behaviours for too long, which means staying inside our comfort zones, allows behaviours that felt good but were not good for self or anyone else to develop into larger concerns like depression, burn out and living without any purpose or passion. We then slide down into Level 4 behaviours.

Do you have any behaviours in Level 4 and are you ready to let go of them?

Level 3:

Do what feels good
          Is not good for me or not fulfilling my potential
          Is not good for others
          Is not good for the greater good

Examples of behaviours in this level include:

• Procrastination is a great example of being in Level 3. When we have something we know is important to us, we want to do it and yet find ourselves doing everything else but the one thing we want to be doing, chances are this is because the thing is not in our comfort zone. We don’t yet have a strategy (step by step process) for it, so instead we default to known and comfortable behaviours which feel good to us, but they don’t serve anyone else or fulfil our potential.
• Self-care activities where we enjoy filling up on our own pleasure, enjoyment and self-love buckets are generally in Level 3. Watching TV and eating chocolate is of no service to anyone else unless we are filling up our self-care bucket to then move up to Level 2 and 1 behaviours. It takes a lot of self-awareness and honesty with ourselves to know if doing things for self that feel good are in balance and ultimately encourage, motivate and energise us to move up levels for our contribution to take place.
  Watching TV and chocolate are not healthy as such so they sit in this level. Self-care is good for us. Just not centred around fulfilling our potential in a masculine sense.

Do you have any behaviours in Level 3 which are not filling you up, but rather are just your default positions of certainty and habit?
If so, are you ready to let go of them? Do you have resourceful ways to fill up your buckets of self-care and enjoyment which allow you to have more energy for helping others and fulfilling your potential?

Special Note: “The greater good” can be as micro or macro as makes sense to you. For example, “the greater good” could mean your immediate family to start with. Since there is the ripple effect of what is good for a family can then flow out into what is best for the people and places that family are surrounded by. For all our actions, we can have a bigger picture in mind of what is best for the people surrounding this family, all the way out to the local town, the state you live in, the entire community and out to all of humanity. For example, recycling in the family home and other decisions can be for the greater good of humanity relating to climate change. Small changes at a personal level can create big results and ripple effects.

Level 2:

Do what does not feel good
          Is good for me
          Is good for others
          Is good for the greater good

Examples of behaviours in this level include:

• Doing things outside of our comfort zone which at first don’t feel good to us but are best for us. Due to going outside of our comfort zone to fulfil more of our potential, it serves the greater good too. This could be learning a new skill, perhaps doing something for the first time which is part of your contribution in helping others.

This could be writing that book, learning more efficient ways to run our household, or organising our lives. It’s not fun to start with yet these are those crucial life tasks which improve our lives long term.

• This level is a good place to go back to your life values you elicited from Chapter Three and see where more alignment to them could happen. For example, if health is important to you, do you need to improve your diet and exercise practices?

At this level, things will feel uncomfortable at first and are likely to bring up self-doubt, critical self-talk and negative emotions. This is your mind thinking it is protecting your old self with what they know. Anything new can threaten the body and mind. Observing the thoughts and feelings by SEAing your emotions, will eventually lead you into level 1 behaviours. These new behaviours will become your new normal and identity.

Are there things you are not doing that you know you need to do?

Level 1:

Do what feels good
          Is good for me
          Is good for others
          Is good for the greater good

Examples of behaviours in this level include:

• This is the level where what used to be out of our comfort zone is now part of who we are since we have mastered the skills, growth and learning, to a point where we do these behaviours easily and automatically.
• Self-care activities to fill up our buckets to serve again. We are fulfilling our potential in a feminine sense of us receiving.

This could be mastering our health practices which are now just part of our daily lives. Running our household in a newly efficient way, and communicating at a deeper level of connection, and so on.

I believe it is at this level and in Level 2 where we come back home to ourselves. Another way to explain this is by asking ourselves; is the behaviour I am currently doing adding to the light or not? The light being the brightest, purest, most resourcefully expressed version of your potential – do you feel closer to your soul/spirit or not? If we are not bringing more light to our world, are we bringing in more shadow/struggle/chaos?

Let us constantly be asking ourselves;

• Can I do this better?

• Am I in alignment with who I want to be?

• Am I contributing my light and authentic self to the world?

• Is this behaviour really something I want to fill up my life with? Am I truly enjoying spending time and energy on this?

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