Virginia Satir, a family therapist who greatly influenced NLP, saw thousands of clients coming to her who were on the verge of separating. They would come out of her therapy room resolved and united. She created a model called the Meta Model since she noticed her clients were conflicted because they were making many distortions, deletions, and generalisations about the other person. Mostly in their language, towards and about each other. A distortion from the Meta Model is mind-reading, claiming to know what the other person is thinking. This is also an example of how we can distort our thinking inside of our minds as we make up stories about others and what they might think of us. If you would like a copy of the Meta Model, which comes out of my NLP Training manual, email me, and I can send you a copy. Mind reading is just one type of cognitive distortion.
In the 1970s, psychologist Aaron Beck proposed the theory of cognitive distortions. He noticed many of his patients who experienced depression relied on false assumptions and errors in thinking. He believed if his patients could change those inaccurate thoughts (cognitive distortions), they would be able to change their symptoms of depression.
Beck's student, Dr David Burns, continued the research on cognitive distortions and popularised the concept with his book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, in which he shared common examples of cognitive distortions. Dr David Burns also did a TED talk called Feeling Good, where he explained some great examples of distorted thinking and how he encouraged his clients to challenge those thoughts.
Here are some of the cognitive distortions we can become aware of inside our minds. In knowing these exist, I can catch myself more quickly, allowing me to observe myself gently and acknowledge the thoughts. Whilst knowing that this very likely is an untrue story I am telling myself. I have noticed my default distortions are; catastrophising, the fallacy of fairness, emotional reasoning, and personalisation. See which ones you tend to do more commonly from the list below.
They include:
Aren't these helpful to know? We have all done some or all of these at some point in our lives. Since coming across these terms, I can realise when my thoughts are just a distortion and reframe myself out of them. We can move through these thoughts, think about them much less often and recover from them.
This is an excpert from my book Your Happily Ever After and you can order your copy at www.laurenjobson.com/bookorder
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"Lauren beautifully shares the vulnerability and strength of her own experiences. She then guides us to discover our own answers to vital questions such as: Why do we sometimes fall short in self-love? How can we heal? What can we do to love ourselves more efectively in the future? By reading this book you will go deep into your heart and connect with your soul. Through it, Lauren acts as your personal coach, supporting you with her exquisite humanity, wisdom and love. She shines a light to illuminate your path back to yourself."
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Lauren Jobson is an award-winning, internationally certifed NLP and Matrix Therapies® Master Trainer, Archetypal Coaching® and Hypnosis Trainer and Therapist. A teacher of coaches since 2009, certifying thousands all across Australia and globally, her students say she “transcends age with her wisdom & guidance.” She is the owner of Intuitive Heart Training Academy and Love Life with Lauren Coaching.